Assalamualaikum and hi!
I have to write about this since it bother me a lot like... a lot. Have you ever got a message or someone told you that they wish to be you? I know how that feel, because I've been in that situation where I wish to be someone else...but as I grow older, I learnt a lot about life especially through my medschool. It's okay, it's normal but don't let it control you, that you forgot about what God had given you.
When I was small, I wish I am not dark, I wish that I could have fair skin. I wish to be like someone else, wish I could be someone else. I am fat and dark, who wants me? Lol. People keep on talking about my look that made me feel sad, and feel so small, why am I lacking in so many things? I remembered everything they said about my size, my skin. But thank God, at least I am smart *self claimed*. That was few years ago, when I was in primary school till I start my medschool. I am always lacking. I don't know why. People called me black, dark and fat. Aigoo it hurts, that sometime I feel like I better go sedut lemak or bleach la till I putih kan. Ughh.
But, while doing my clinical year, I saw so many things that made me realize how bad I am, how could I be so ungrateful to God? Allah gave me things that people wish they have. I have a family who support my study 100% while some people wish someone could sponsor them so they could study, I completed my high school, some dont even managed to start their primary school. I might be dark skin, but I have a healthy skin compare to patients I met. My face isn't that fair , I have few pimples and spot, I wish I could be beautiful (fair) and have no pimples but people who have chronic acne wish to have skin like mine, even it is not flawless but at least it is not that bad like theirs. Not only that, I don't really like to eat seafood but I have no allergy to it, while people who have allergy wish to eat it, like a lot. You know what, I have some friends who are short, like 150+ cm and they told me how they wish to be tall like me *i am 168.5cm*. While I wish, I am not tall since I feel so stress everytime I stand next to guy who is shorter than me. *i am not that tall, but idk why i feel that way, i feel i am not a girl lol* I have to rethink about wearing heels because if I did and walk with my friends, I feel like I am so big, like a monster.
See, everyone has their good and bad side. It's normal for us, human feel insecure and wish to be that person, this person. But, don't let that feeling control you that make you feel super jealous with others, make you feel like you are nothing. God gives you what you deserve. If you want to be rich, pretty and so many things, you need to work on it. You can't simply find a shortcut. Nothing easy in this world kot. Those people you wish to be like tu pun work hard to be what they are now, unless if they are born with it. Dah memang rezeki.
Someone told me that she feel so sad, that everyone is doing great, while she is still the same, doing the same routine, with a small salary. It's tiring. I told her, at least you have met so many people, you know more about this world. While you were struggling in your world, I was struggling in my world. I wish to be someone else too when I was struggling in my world. Because it's normal for human!
I've stopped comparing myself to people. Most of my friends are working now, having family, kids, some continue their studies in Master, while me, unemployed human being. I do feel bad sometimes but I know, everyone has their own path and story. I just need to prepare myself for my future. I will do great. I can do it. My Indonesian friend once told me, if you keep comparing yourself to people who is greater than you, you will never be grateful. Stop comparing your life with someone else but motivate yourself to have a better life than what you have now.
Someone out there wish to be you, but you, just be you.
Appreciate yourself too :)
Till now, Han
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