Sad rant

Hi.

Recently…been having mental breakdown. I think, something that I thought already settled but actually…no. Maybe it will be there on and off. Previously, I will cry whenever i feel overwhelmed. I dont even care whether its public or not, if it is during oncall or reviewing patient, I will just cry if I feel too stressed. Yes that’s me.

After I fell sick a few months ago, I think I came back a bit stronger than I was. Things I thought I couldn’t do, I actually did it very well. Maybe it is just me and my strong willpower lol. I ignored many bad words or sarcastic things that I heard, I basically didnt overthink that much. I managed to cope. Yes. Despite I am sick. Lol. 

Recently idk why, I have no confidence at all. I think bcs I took someone word seriously. I think what this person said is true and matter the most. But actually, whatever that person says, i should not have think about it. I should just ignore and try to make myself a better person. But I keep on thinking about it and in between many things happened that really made myself lost the confidence I have, that small confidence.

Everyone has their own pace. That is what my mo used to tell me. And i remember it till now. So i take things slowly. Do it based on my pace. But sometimes its difficult when people expect too much from you. They expect you to be what they want you to. Which is a bit difficult for me. I took years to be comfortable with things. And I know some people find it unacceptable but thats how i function.

I still remember when I was a junior MO i mean freshly junior MO, I cant even do hd catheter insertion on my own, put cvl on my own, cant even do LP on my own. I am always scared even to intubate. But now I am a bit confident. I can do those things on my own eventho there are some procedures I am still not good at such as ijc insertion, chest tube, biopsy and bmat. I am still scared to do pleural tapping sometimes but i think i am improving, at least a bit. A small achievement at least for me. Some people might think i am very slow, always at the same spot, never grow, nahhh you dont know me but dare to judge. It takes a lot of courage and energy to be where i am now. Everyone did well, they are fast learner, they are better than me in whatever they are doing, but i am glad i have some improvement, eventho people might find it as nothing. Last time, i remember…i dont know many things, at least now i know what to do even it is a simple thing. Some people will find it unbelievable for someone like me who has been like almost 3 years in the department to not know many things. Yes i did. I dont know many things but i am learning. Sadly i am not a fast learner. It took me some time to do something, to understsnd something. So i find it very stressful when people expect me to be like what they want me to be.

Recently one of my specialists told me that he cant believe that idk a simple thing when i myself already in this dept for few years. To be honest, most of the time, I actually know the answer but i prefer to say i dont. Because i am scared, i am wrong. Then theres some misunderstanding. Ahh i cant even typed it bcs i feel like no use also if i explain. But i really take to heart la whatever he said. I hate people who never want to listen to other people explaination. It make me sad and feel so stress. And breakdown. I keep blaming myself over things. Blaming myself everyday.

Let me tell you something. Sometimes, what came out from our mouth might stays forever in other people’s heart. Might stays forever. Remember that. So say something nice or maybe not that harsh, especially if you dont know the person that much. Dont regret later.

Because of what he says, i was really really not in a good state after that. I keep blaming myself, think that I did nothing for patients, think that I am not doing good, doing not enough for patient. I am such a loser. Despite being not junior anymore, I am still a loser in many things. I am not worth it. Just like that the whole week feels like shit. Seriously. I dont know what i am doing that week.

Luckily now i am on leave. But funnily i keep dreaming about patients. Which is not good. The guilty feeling and that loser feeling is still there. I just want to forget about this. I just want to move forward. But i know this too, will take time to heal. I am just a  “fragile” person.

Pls pray for me. Just let me do things smoothly. Let me be happy again. Pls pray that God will remove this sad feeling.

Han

book recommendations by me hehe

 Hi. Happy 2024.

March 2024 and finally, I am here writing something. well obviously no one will read this but at least, I am letting things out as many as I can. Well, writing is always one of the best ways to release some stress after sleeping, at least for an introvert like me.

Started working since December 2023, well of course with follow up almost every month. Yes for sure it's in peninsular, melayang la duit ticket haha. They said my condition is actually improving but I started to have the complication already, which is common for this disease. My heart sunk a bit after knowing but there is nothing I can do. Things happened and I am trying to accept it even though I know in the future I will struggle, yeah. Despite sinking heart lol, I am still very compliant okay to take medications even though it's not nice and annoying hahaha.

Past few months I started reading some books/novels. Yeah most of it, about mental health. But nowadays I had difficulties in reading too, so things become a bit difficult for me. I can't really read properly , many words hahahaha. But I would like to suggest all of you (or maybe suggesting back to myself as I am the only one reading this blog hahahahaha) a good book. Past few months, I started with " I want to die but I want to eat tteokbeokki". Indeed it's a very good book I would like to recommend to everyone. If you feel like you are going through a hard time, this book is indeed a good book for you to read. I can relate , like super can relate with this book. This book basically telling a story about the author's life, and her mental health issue. Surprisingly, whatever she wrote, I can totally relate to it. People with stress or maybe depression surely can relate to it. 

Another book that I would like to recommend is "The Things You Can Only See When You Slow Down". It is a book full of advices. Written by a monk, writing about his life and people he met, and simple story about those people who sought him for life advices. This author wrote something that I guess everyone can relate, I mean the examples are all related to our daily life. I find it helpful. I feel like "okay some people went through almost the same thing like me, but their reactions to what happened in their life sometimes are different from mine." It's like you can see other people's point of view, other people's life stories through his writing. I am now reading his another sequel, "Love for imperfect things" hehe. The more I read, the more I realised, I am not alone in this world. Everyone is struggling, and their life story is almost the same like mine. And so on. I am glad that I know about this book.

The last book that I would like to recommend is a novel, quite popular novel from Korea, Welcome To The Hyunamdong Book Shop". To be honest, I just completed this book a week ago and what I can say, yes it's a very heartwarming novel. I really like the story line and the characters in this novel. I like how every character has their own story. The author is basically brilliant. I just love the bookshop vibe, and the owner. I like how this novel taught us many things about life and love. And of course, struggles in our life. I think I will re-read the book in few months haha. There are many good advices and also quote in it. Please everyone read this book haha

Well, initially I wanna write about something else on this post but, ended up writing about books. I think I start to love reading, I mean not medical book la hahahahaha

Btw, recently my little brother just got married. Among my siblings, I am the only one that is still single. Of course la people got joke about me, making me feel like I am useless and tak malu because I belum kawin and those questions "when is your turn?" "already ada calon? Ugh so annoying. Please respect me okay, there are things you take perlu tanya. Or busy body. Just focus on yourself. Hahaha

Oh God, just realised it's 11pm already. Maybe I should sleep as I need to work tomorrow and tomorrow I have clinic to attend and patients to see.

Thank you for reading this small blog of mine. Please always pray for me, that I will stay healthy and cute, eh tibe. Please take care everyone. Maybe you guys can leave me some comments or feedback about books I've recommended above. (if got la)

Bye

Han

October 23

So fast it's already October 2023. Time flies. And many things happened. Too many. From work life to personal life. A lot.

Writing here today, just because I feel like writing. While listening to Red scarf by Wei Bird.

I don't know I should start from where, but basically things happened.

Currently I am on my sick leave. Haven't go to work properly since July. Have to go back to Peninsula because I have to seek some expert opinion over here as borneo doesn't have it. I am still on treatment for now. They said it's improving. It's working. It's responding. I hope so. They said I am lucky to be able to detect it earlier. Sykur.

But I was suffering a bit la, lol as the treatment doesn't really work on me at first. Seems like this treatment will take some time but I hope, I will recover as soon as possible. I do miss my stress working life. Sitting at home, going back and forth to hospital/kk as a patient doesn't make me happy at all. Okay maybe bcs I was admitted twice prior to my sick leaves lol. So I macam lama sangam left my work haha.

There are many things I want to see and do in my life. But I know, if I want to do everything, I need money and time. Which is I am not very sure whether I will have it enough or not. Hmm

I wonder which path will I choose later. What is my future. Where will God lead me to? I truthfully don't know. Still haven't decide on taking exam and become specialist. Idk... ahhhh life.

It's okay. Just find what's the meaning of this life first lol just lemme recover first and decide later. who knows suddenly I got married ke apa haha. OKAY STOP 

If you ever encounter this post, whoever you are, please pray for me, that I will recover as soon as I can, work normally and do my oh so stress on call haha. hope I will become a better person every year, every moment, every time. please pray that I will always be healthy. and finish my treatment successfully. okay tbh the medications do give me side effects till now but I treat it as much as I can because I need the medications. So please pray that I will tolerate my treatment as good as I can. Tq gais love you.

thank you for reading this post :)

Han.

Half of 2023

Hi, hello. Assalamualaikum. Kalau can jawab please jawab.

It's been quite a long hiatus huh? Always has desire to write, but never write. Too busy with my life, idk if its me being not productive or is it really because I am busy. Well, still working at the same place with the same department, the only thing changed is my status, not marital status lol. And I am still deciding whether to really leave this permanent job or want to try further, keep trying till I reached one point lol, I am reaching I guess.

Recently, just celebrated my birthday, can't believe I am in my 30s now. I have been doing blogging since I was in secondary school, went for matrik and even graduated from uni. Survived HO ship and now doing MOship without having proper direction, amazing Han!

Past few months I learnt a lot about myself, it seems like I am never out of this sensitive feeling and soft hearted kind of person, fragile... but recently I am more honest with what I feel. I did expressed what I feel. To people I want, verbally or maybe, actionably, lol. I also tend to cut off some contact and relationship with some people. I dream of being happy and being appreciated by people. I can't do everything for others. I want to be appreciate too by others. I feel so tired, giving care, attention and even love to people who can't even return it a bit to me.

Recently in Feb, my friend that I knew during my study days got married. I went to her engagement and wedding. I might be very pendiam, but for friends that I care, I can do more than that. I even flew from Borneo to attend her majlis okay. 

Not to forget, I start reading some books, with mental health kind of genre. Well I am sure many people know about this book, I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki. Hahahahaha. A very easy and nice book to read. A very simple book yet can relate. Another ongoing book is "Maybe you should talk to someone". It's about a therapist seeing patient but seeing a therapist too lol.

This year, I tend to cry more when I feel very overwhelmed with what happened. Eventhough people think I am depressed, have depression or whatever, I am okay with whatever their judgement. But to be honest, I usually cry because I am angry or feel disappointed. Or sometimes, I can't handle stress much, I  prefer to cry to ensure I am not hurting. It's weird but well, that's life.

My on call? Still JONAH as usual. Even boss try to reduce my on call but, still Jonah. The more I talk about it the more I am not happy zzzz. I feel like a failure every time I can't save a patient. I feel like I am incompetent at one point until I questioned myself, WHY? WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST LIVE? Yet I know the fact that, everyone will die one day, somehow. Eventhough I know the prognosis, I tend to blame myself. I know, being a doctor you can't let this kind of thing kacau you, like carried you away but IDK people like me sometimes can't relate. 

Talking about jodoh, I know this issue will be an issue till forever hahaha. Some people wanted to introduce some guys to me but I am not confident and brave enough to get to know people. I am very passive thus, I don't really care that much. If that person found me I hope he really will kutip me haha. But I hope he is someone who knows me, better than everyone else. 

Since last year, been listening to Eric Chou's song. I am shocked when some people query why I listened to Chinese songs? OMG I HAVE BEEN WATCHING TAIWANESE DRAMA / TVB since  primary school what you mean by why  I listened to it lol. I even can sing rainy yang's and some other singer's song. But I am hooked to Eric Chou's songs and its mv and melodies omg. I actually prefer sad and slow song because I just wanna sing along you know. So recently, I went to his concert as someone decided to let go her VIP ticket at a very cheap price. I went, very awkward because only a few Malays hahahah then the rest are Chinese and most of them came as couple. Ahhhhh a hopeless romantic all my life, surrounded by couples all the time lol

End of may, one of my friends left to continue masters. We did ho together, came to Borneo together, he left first as he got offer for master. Then now, my another friend also will go back Peninsular for her penempatan. Left me alone here hahahaha. And I am still thinking about transferring or maybe quitting. Idk, I haven't see the light T-T

Ah, last few months, involved in a very dramatic issue between me and a surgeon. Well that surgeon is not happy about someone else, but venting on me who obviously an innocent soul. I hate surgeons since then. He has no right to scold me, or even make me feel like shit, and even questioned whether my department are  that busy. Luckily I didn't use system to complaint about him. LOL emo me.

Well, this year thing getting out of control, I mean regarding my work. We don't have enough medical officers to run our department properly. We are really overworked. The worst part is, we don't have enough houseman which make me and my colleagues to do.. basically all the works. On the normal days, we are already very busy, not to mention during the clinics days. I am very not happy with KKM not realising the need to have more medical officers. And JPA pulak, don't want open more penjawatan because no money. Come on, take boleh but HCW macam ni. We are very tired already. Kesian MO sebenarnya. Diorang lah HO dioranglah MO.  Stress gila but well, no one care. Bak kata netizen, "tak tahan boleh quit la, melambak nak kerja." Wonder who is there to work as medical officer as houseman pun takdak lol

I should have rest, this week kinda torturing. Crying and sigh-ing non stop. So emo. Too many works , too busy. I rarely eat this days because too busy but I still gemuk lol

Okay, till here.

Bye.

Han

Mid november 22

Hi November. Mid November. How are you? Are you going to bloom by the end of november? I am asking myself, if I ever bloom again, hm

Been fighting with myself for about a month. Thinking about what I should do with my life. Whether I am in the right track or totally wrong. Been wanting to quit for so many times, despite having good people around me, okay some are not, lol, but this time things become complicated after accepting that post.

I always ask myself, what makes me happy? The answer is always I don’t know and I know what I am doing now is totally something that is not suitable for me. I always ask myself, did I play my role? Is this the best thing I can provide for patients? Am I happy with what I am doing now? None of this questions, answer by me, because I really don’t know.

Not everyone can understand me, like how I can’t understand everyone. But I am lucky that there are some people who is willing to help and listen to me. I don’t really talk about my feeling unless people asked me. I am not very good in expressing my feelings, well we all know that aren’t we?

Sometimes, it’s very difficult for me to explain to people about what I am thinking and what I am feeling. Because I myself, like to keep it to myself.

Recently, I had a very bad oncall. And I was really really traumatized by it. I keep blaming myself for what happened. Eventhough, yeah I know, I can’t prevent people from dying but I am really sad with what happened.  It’s very impactful to me, I feel very angry to myself, why I am always jonah, and always bring bad luck, at one point, I started to believe that I bring bad luck to people which is totally dosa weh, there’s no such thing I know, but I do feel that way. I feel like, why it’s always during my oncall, why I can’t even have a good oncall. I give up with clinicals. I really do. T___T

I feel useless sometimes, I mean, my knowledge not as good as others, and I have no plan to take papers or become specialist, my aim now is just to be a normal happy human being, by doing things I want. But some people really do pressure me about my decision of being “chronic mo”. And to be honest, I am tired with whatever I am doing now. I think, I have to let go of this field, time to join non clinical. I can’t even tahan with clinical anymore. Tiring oncalls and I always have a bad one, it’s like God telling me “wahai manusia, please pindah non clinical” haha even my seniors/juniors/staff nurses can’t tahan with my jonahness. Sedih nya.

And do you know, it’s actually very difficult for someone like me to be in this field i think. I am crybaby lately, because only by crying i can feel a bit better. I don’t talk a lot to people, I am always by myself, I just don’t like to be with so many people. I am just an introvert, and that’s what make things much more difficult. They called me as an emo girl lol but idk how to explain to them, it’s just me being me. I am the problem also, I don’t want to really explain much about myself, and at the end people already has perception about me, their own perception. Which I think, very difficult to change.

If they really know me, yes, I am an introvert but I am actually a fun person too, if I really like you la. There are some sides I will only show to some people, that not everyone can see. But because what they always see is the silent me with emo eyes, and sad whatsapp status which actually I updated because I am bored lol, so their conclusion is emo. I am okay with it, because only jauhari mengenal manikam.

And to be honest, I am not very good in socializing, but I don’t easily hate someone. I may look weak and always in need of help, but I am actually quite strong emotionally, I mean look at how long I can stay in this busy department.

Friends? Difficult to make one. I only want someone who can make me feel comfortable to talk to, to guide me and help me when needed. To listen to me, to always be there for me, emotionally first then physically. I am fragile and not that matured, I know. I am weird too. But I am a good person. Since I am very reserved type so I guess many people don’t even bother to try to be my friend, and I am okay with it pulak tu, hahahahaha. If you are my friend means, you are the choosen one.

Huft, too many things happened in November. I feel very tired. And everything seems very difficult. I hope I really can stop everything, run from where I stuck and feel free. I just want to be free and happy. I haven’t found it , things that can make me happy. I just need to keep searching.

Last month I’ve made up my mind. I am leaving this department once I settle everything. I just need to settle one patient, and then I will discuss about it with bosses. I think, no matter how much I like this field, I just find it tiring and difficult for me, it’s like this department is not for someone like me. I don’t like it anymore. I am not interested anymore. Maybe this is what they called as “takde jodoh”. No matter how crazy I am about it, if it’s not meant to be, it is not. Things just become so so so difficult for me in every way. I have to let it go now.

Please pray for me. I am happy that I am still alive, doing well with my health. I just hope I could be free from all these unnecessary things. I just need to be free and happy. I just need to find you, happiness. Please show me yourself. So I can grab you and move on

Han.

August dump

 Hi everyone, an nyeong.

Hows everyone doing? Must be good la kan. If not good, it’s okay. Life has up and down.

Lately, I am quite busy, I mean too busy since I changed ward. And since housemen also not that much, I have to carry out MO work, some Sp work and of course housemen’s works. Wah too tired that I feel like I am gonna collapsed soon. I did btw.

I’ve been having on and off headache. Very pain one. Doesnt know how to describe but I can say, rasa macam nak meletup. Idk how to explain in properly but even with panadol pun tak jalan, at the end require painkiller kuat sikit. Pun still not working on me. At the end, buat scan bagai pun normal, then have to admit, for lumbar puncture as eye side also cannot be sure about my funduscopy finding, wether ada ke tidak papilloedema. LP normal, pressure okay, nothing much but i am still having this headache. I cannot tahan one if surrounding too loud. Yes my physician treat as migraine but how long is this migraine idk la. 

Well, maybe because i am too stressed too. Changing ward, new people i need to work with and another one is because I need to work more than before as I need to carry out HO work also despite having a lot of MO works. Very stressful, feel like my neck and shoulder muscle stiff you know. Then headache. Need to postpone all my oncalls. Then cry like crazy because of the pain and because I feel guilty also for people to cover me. Yeah i am this type of person i am sorry 

You know being far from family and sick and you already used to it hahaha everyone will feel kesian for you but damn, you went through all these since 18 man, now 30 lol. No one care about me  pun I am fine. I am very used to it. So awkward when someone really care. Hahahaha

I think, I should start request to transfer back, or resign. I don’t think I can work in this field. It is tiring. I like clinical but now no more. I think i am not suitable for clinical. Hahahaha, even whaatever field as long as doctor, I am not suitable lol.

Hmm lately I am quite stress. I think i need more rest but it is very difficult to get some rest. Idk. I am tired of this life lol. Reason i am still here is because some people are being nice to me. Hmm but i am leaving somehow for sure. Okay enough lah ye rant.

Recently I’ve just completed a drama title my liberation note. I guess most of you guys familiar with this drama as this drama really has its own impact, lol especially when talking about mr gu and mijeong. I wish people will be more understanding towards introvert people. Or maybe to someone who is not that open. Like me for example. Sometimes people finds me boring, it’s because you haven’t enter my life. You need to be good to be able to enter into my life because I don’t let anyone in just like that hahahaha. Even to be my friend also need time. I am that reserved type. My liberation notes made me realize “ahh someone is also like me. I am not alone” lol. And mr gu character, is so mature. I like how he comfort mijeong everytime mijeong told him something. I just need to find someone like that. Who will understand my silence, and just listen to me whenever he need. And i, once i really like that person, i will be like mijeong, love and care that one person, and only that person. but all these feeling things need times to develop, especially for people like us.

Other than mijeong and mr gu, i actually admired chang hee. Because he is almost like me. Second child. We always do what necessary, work and do things that please people, but we are actually empty. We don’t really know what we want, we keep follow the  flow. But i am happy finally chang hee found what he wants. Me too, will find it one day. Amin!

Ahhhh, i should sleep by now. My headache be like on and off. Oh yeah, after this no more Dr A. I really like her. She is my colleague but she is actually soon to be onco-lo-gist. She came to my department because she needs to do attachment. For some reasons, I really like her. She is really kind and nice eventho sometimes will bising a bit if something not okay, but i really like her. Wish her all the best for exam. So sad. I cried few days , and will continuously cry till I can accept it. Yeah i know i am weird. This is why it is difficult for me to let people in. She is the second female colleague that I really like “worked with”, and now she left. Sad.

Goobye for now.

Han

May 2022

Hi, it’s May 2022, and I am writing again.

Tomorrow and Sunday, I am on leave, will spend it well inshaAllah.

Actually I just completed my raya cuti, was quite a long raya cuti, I am happy, I able to puasa with my opah atuk, berbuka with my family at the end of ramadhan and subsequently raya together. Alhamdulillah, healed my soul a bit, my sad soul.

At this age, I won’t ask much. I just want to do things I want, and do things that can make me happy, but I know the limit. There are things I can’t get or make it happen even I want it. Yeah, that’s life.

I am actually asking myself, why am I doing this thing, I mean why on earth I am still in this super busy department despite me feeling sad, and unmotivated, and stressed all the time. There must be something but I dont know. I am still considering to change department or maybe resign, but.. yeah I am still stuck somewhere in between. And one more thing is, this undecided thing make me want to stop thinking and left to somewhere far for a while.

Sometimes, I feel like I am doing great day by day, especially when my seniors always encourage me with good words, but sometimes I feel like, I have nothing and why am I still here? Haha. So weird but yeah it is not something easy to decide, but I think my mental health is quite important too , lol

I dont feel like pursuing anything. My contract will somehow finished in 2023. While I can, I want to get more experience so wherever I go later, I dont feel regret. That’s what I think but you know, the other part of me really want to stop all these, doesn’t want to continue whatever I am doing now. Yeah I am very indecesive lol.

And one more thing, sometimes I am a bit unhappy when people think that I am always emotional or always sad, when you only see my eyes lol. Me being low self esteem, lack of confident, is really the baseline me, and I am naturally a shy person and doesnt talk much around people I am not comfortable with. I always say something very weird, and self talking but I am actually like that. I don’t know, maybe to some people I am really showing something that normal people won’t hahaha. I guess I need some check up. And one more thing, I like to be alone most of the time. I feel relax, I feel very tired and drained when I need to socialize like talking a lot hahaha unless I really like you. But maybe also, I am in denial, maybe I am really depressed like what my senior said. But actually I dont know how to properly explain to them that my baseline is almost like this, I still do things I like, I still can eat, and still can watch dramas. But someotimes I am too tired so I will just sleep.

I have to agree that past few months, I am really not good mentally and emotionally, because of the stress I’ve received from my previous boss, but now I think I am a bit okay with this new boss. Maybe because my boss doesn’t really questioned me, till make me feel bad about myself, at least. Eventho maybe sometimes he is a bit scary and sarcastic but I just like the vibes when doing round, and my seniors always helped me.

I am very sure that I am lacking but I am trying to manage and improve myself too. I know I am not good enough but I am doing it slowly, I am doing it at my own pace. I know some people can’t accept it but I will just try my best.

Doing first call with my jonahness, also really made me cried inside, and of course outside. Sometimes during my review, I will suddenly cry because of the stress I received, but if I don’t cry while reviewing I am afraid that I will meletop hahahaha you know meletup in that sense where I will just don’t care, “bomb” people who refer mengarut and stuff, and yeah regret the next day. Everyone knows I am not good in marah but you know what, once you did, it will never be forgotten by anyone, believe me.

Sometimes I wish I am good in expressing, and giving opinion, ignore people’s feeling and just say what I want, but my nature is not like that. I always have to think and think. So I don’t say something stupid and something that could hurt people. Lol

I like to keep everything inside, and I know it is not healthy but I am still doing it. Maybe if I have husband or boyfriend one day, I will them this person so many stories, lol. And I hope dia takkan bosan lol. Hahahaha at least i am not that bebel type and talkative macam apa -__-

Btw, just wanna share a good drama that I’ve recently finished watching, called twenty five twenty one. A very good drama about someone who perjuangkan her dream, about how some people went through a lot just to make sure they can feed their family and how valuable is friendship. It is a very good drama, I think one of the best drama I’ve watched this year, eventhough I don’t really like the ending as it is really something that is soooooo realistic, and I hope more dramas like this, showing how someone becomes an adult, and also how someone can have so much meaning in your life and can brings a lot of happiness, encouragement and  hope in your life. Wonder who is mine lol

Whatever it is, I am just gonna stop here. Will come back whenever I feel like writing. I hope everyone enjoyed their raya and cuti. Hope everyone who reads this will be happy all the time, and bless with a lot lot lot of loves.

Han