Finally, I've got my placement. Finally, my time to work as a real doctor comes, to start my housemanship. Well, to be honest I've mixed feelings lol tbh I never complained about geting placement or whatsoever, because I believe in "when it's my time, it's my time". Sorry to those who keep complaining, we do have different opinions lol.
Few months without doing nothing, enjoying my life to the fullest, of course it's hard to let it go. But, I have to. I know I am not really ready, you can say I am 30% ready to face my new challenging life hahaha but I will do my best. Just pray for me.
To those who asked about my placement, well tbh this isn't even in my choices because it is still new. This is the first time they opened it for the training. So yeah. To tell you the truth, I have my own list of hospitals, but because fate isn't something that I can change, I failed to grab the seat. Well, some people might choose penangguhan since they didn't manage to get hospital they want, I thought of doing the same too. So, after I look at the list of hospitals that still have remaining seats, I've finally decided to take some time to think it again and again, for five days. Yes, I took 5 days to decide because the remaining hospitals are located at Sabah, Sarawak, Pahang, Kelantan and Terengganu. Well as you guys know, I am Selangorian. So to me, those states are quite far and I have reasons to not choose some of them. *don't worry, it's nothing to do with negeri kind of thing, I have personal reasons lol"
For 5 days, I keep praying to get petunjuk dari Allah. Please guide me. But I remember one thing, blessing from parents are also important. So, I asked them for some advices. My parents told me to make my own decision, but at the same time they did encourage me to go since they're afraid that I might not be able to work lol Well, tbh I am not that ready. So I told my parents, why don't we go explore this place, I will decide after that. Then, we went to this town, and I guess it's quite alright for me since I'm used to Palembang. But this is of course the smaller ver of Palembang. It's a small town.
After 5 days, I've finally made my decision. I'm going! HELL YEAH! Well, so many people encourage me to work near my house because they are aware that houseman life isn't going to be normal, lol i mean it's going to be really challenging at times, so I need some support system which is family and close friends. Even my dad wants me to work at the hospital near my house. But since I failed to grab the seat, I really can't do anything. Penangguhan? Sounds good to me, I would love to do so, since I really have lot of work to do in May and June, but idk why, half of my heart says it's okay to go. I've listed pro and cons. And I've decided to go.
I can't undo all these right? There's no hasutan syaitan also this time since it's Ramadhan hahahaha. I know I'm leaving again, I'm gonna miss my room and my friends for sure. MY HOLIDAYS! It's actually weird that I keep leaving this house. Maybe I'm born to be an independent woman forever lol. My siblings, non of them spent more than 1 year outside of Selangor. They are always home while me, I am always far away till some of my parents friends thought that my parents only have 2 sons hahahaha. But tbh, I like freedom hahahaha.
Whoever read this, please pray for me. Please pray that I could live well and do my best. I really want to do my best. I really want to survive and do well. I know it's going to be rough but I need to be strong. I am strong, if I am not, how can I stay far from my family for a long time and still manage to take care myself nicely? Right? I know I can do it. Please pray for me. I accept this as my fate but I'm still going to do my best! I believe in keikhlasan and redha. I redha with all my heart.
Maybe one day you might see me updating this blog with a very sad story, or telling you that I give up with this housemanship thing, at that time, please tell me not to quit no matter what happened. Tell me, people need me. Maybe, you need me. Please never let me quit. Please encourage me, tell me I'm doing good. Please. Tell me I did well. I know this is so pessimist but this is my way to encourage myself. Being pessimist isn't bad at all. You know what you are capable, and expect for the worst. Thank you in advanced!
Let the new journey begins.
A houseman to be,
Han
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