Where's August?

Hi.

Peh, finally manage to update my blog because my mood is kinda good tonight, finally lah after a few months. It's been a tough journey for me, at this moment. It is hard to adapt, it is hard. SO HARD FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME. I need time.

To be honest, compared to other hospitals, my HOD and MOs are great people. But you know what when you are stress, you don't even notice that your behavior change, out of sudden. That's what make me hard to approach people even more, sigh. I am not so good in expressing my opinion, I like to keep it to myself until I feel like, okay it's time to give opinion and that's how I decided not to talk during ward round and apa lagi, kena marah la.

And the worst part, i need time to revise everything and understand a new flow la. It is hard to not talk in Indonesian language, the terms. ughhh. But some people keep asking me to change it, I know guys I know but it's hard. Slow slow tak boleh ke? Sometimes I feel so sad la but idk what to say, they maybe went through the same phase like me, I know. But still, different people of course different la kan. That's why. It's hard for me now.

But i will stay.

My plan is to stay longer in my current department, if I got extended, I don't really mind. Because, yeah just because I don't feel I am safe to my patient and of course because I want to be able to adapt. I am currently adapting. Wish nobody push me. And wish I could have more confidence.

And to not always become second to myself.

I should love myself too.

But.. yeah whatever.

Please don't push me. Don't put any expectation on me.

It's really a burden, tbh.

Telling myself it is okay to cry and it is okay to hate myself sometimes.

Just enjoy your life. Keep going.

If you can't be positive all the time, just remember to be happy.

Himnae

Han.