To myself

Assalamualaikum.

Hi. Lama tak tulis blog. Rindu.
Currently, I am still alive, in my 4th posting as a houseman. 4th poster in surgery, well a lot of expectations on me.

I've passed my paediatric posting. I was sent to another hospital for that specific posting because we don't have enough specialist, went through hard times, to adapt is one, to be able to tolerate many people, that is two lol. Yeah, someone like me yang very shy shy a little, introvert sikit, mmg susah nak adapt, susah nak communicate and close to others. Everyone be like alaaaa alasan but tbh, aku struggle kot. Haha yeah but hey at least i tried kan?

In surgery, same lah. Plus ada expectation. 4th poster weh. Omg. Tbh, aku tak suka orang expect too much. It's a burden to me. Kekadang, aku rasa sedih because aku takleh jadi like what they expect me to be. Susah weh. Susah.

Most of the time bila round, ada je salah aku buat. Selalu down. Up till now, aku tagging lagi. Tapi aku sabar je. Aku kalau tagging ni takde hal sangat, aku okay. Cuma aku tak suka selalu kena marah, then people expect too much. Tu je.

Aku boleh function kalau orang guide aku. I am sorry sbb aku not good in giving answers, or communicating, tapi aku tau je apa aku nak cakap. I know things. Its just that aku bukan jenis outspoken. Dulu, aku lagi teruk. Aku diam je. At least now aku ada cakap sikit bila round.

People sometimes tak kenal you. Sebab tu kena kenal dulu. Aku tbh la, I am a little bit sad when people cut my words, marah when i can't answer properly. I am still trying, so please be patient.

I know, aku yang lack. I'm lacking. Give me some space to be a better person. Aku tak jahat. Aku tak sakiti hati orang. I just want to be someone useful and helpful. Because other than that, aku takde apa apa nak dibanggakan.

Bila aku did something bad, sila tegur but in a good way. If i did something good, pls tell me i did a good job so i will do well, more and more.

I don't ask so many things. I just want to feel appreciated.

Bukan sebab generasi sekarang manja, but because pendekatan dan environment kita membesar dan dididik berbeza. Aku kalau dah jadi someone nanti, tak kira how hard aku di training, how susah and strugglenya aku, I won't let others go through the same thing. Sebab I know how it feels.

Ahhhhha i feel a lil bit better now. Yes. With writing,  i feel good. I dont need to say anything out loud to feel good. Yes.

ANDDDDDD

ITS OCTOBER 15TH!

Happy birthday to my one and only lee donghae. I love you man! Keep shining and thank you for being lee donghae. Your existence made me happy

Till now, reminder to myself. I am good too. I am lacking i know, but i will do good. Somehow, your heart, with sincerity, it's everything. Whoever hates you, let them be.

Han