Almost, coming to an end

Assalamualaikum everyone.

I dont know if ada orang still baca blog ni sebab zaman now mana ada orang tulis blog macam ni lagi, heh.

Walaupun dah habis raya, still nak jugak cakap selamat hari raye, maaf zahir batin. Sorry kalau ada salah silap, mintak halal semua ye. Owkay.

Guess what, aku dah kat 6th posting ni gais. Just finished my o&g posting. Well, mula mula susah jugaklah posting ni tapi masa aku masuk ada kawan kawan aku yang dah duduk dalam tu like almost 2 months, so sedikit sebanyak mengajar lah juga kat aku ni. Thanks gais.

It's not an easy posting, that's what I can say lah. Kau perlukan ketangkasan kecekapan dan semua yang super cepat sebab it's dealing with 2 lives kan. So yeah. And I've encounter something yang I never saw before weh from aku jadi medical student sampai lah aku duduk dekat posting o&g ni. First and last time sebelum aku leave department tu, it's eclampsia. Weh menggelabah teruk, first time jumpa. Tapi alhamdulillah patient okay. Peh, that's what they gave me before I came to anaesth

Yeah, anaesth is my current posting. I didn't choose anaesth nor ed, it's hospital people's decision to put me in this posting yada yada whatever. But I never say yes or nahhh to it. Accept it with hati terbuka because wherever you go, you will somehow learn something. Take it or leave it.

I can say that, it's a tough posting. Hahahahaha because you need to learn something really new that you tak encounter sangat in other posting. If you are interested in doing it as your master, maybe you akan sangat sangat teruja to learn. Yeah. I pun excited okay but yeah still a lot to learn.

Since I am in my 6th posting, somehow will end up as junior mo *inshaAllah*, i feel quite stress with some questions. so, everyone asking me nak float mana? Everywhere you go, every mo you meet, and even specialist, they will ask you lol. Then,before that Ortho and Medical specialists already ask me if I am interested, lol i dont know bosses i really don't know where i should float because yeah, there's a lot more housemen yg every department wants and desired to have kan, takut if i nak sangat your department then I didn't get to float there, I'll be sad. Maybe that's one of the reasons kenapa I tak decide.

My surgery mo pun was like "eh you sixth poster already why no plan?" YEAH YEAH I KNOW KAN. And my anaesth specialist was like " eh bahaya ni tak decide lagi" HAHAHAHAHA

Well, okay lah. I memang suka medical but in anaesth I realised my knowledge about medical pun still not good, in surgical i think my knowledge about ortho pun not good, and so on, knowledge semua posting for me macam tak cukup, maybe that's another reasons why. Okay memang kita akan selalu cakap, tak cukup tak cukup, padahal okay je, tapi yeah I have this penakut thing so yeah, tak confident pulak satu hal. Aiyo

Do you guys know, I've been wanting to quit so much in paeds posting that time because I have to go to other hospital to do my posting, i am not that adapt-able kind of human being, i need so much time to adapt to new environment, it's stressing tau, then when I came back to my old hospital and stays in surgical, I am okay. I able to do my work normally eventhough there's someone I dont really like who always hurt my feelings with his words. But I have no plan to quit.

When I enter o&g posting, okay at first it was okay. Then I start to feel stress sebab kitorang kerja 3 orang je satu department, it's really tiring. Most of the time, tak sempat nak baca banyak pun. And you know bila in this posting, kau macam kena sangat alert dengan semua benda. Yeah. That time, memang selalu nak quit. I asked few people if i can quit ke tak, I asked my MOs sebab I really cannot tahan. I penat sangat mentally and emotionally lah. I dah la houseman, kekadang kerja sorang, patient pun banyak. Mo pun membantu je cuma sebab you houseman, so you mesti rasa macam semua benda pun you kena buat. Kena complete. Plus kawan yang I work with pun kadang kadang jenis tinggal je kerja, so yeah. And I faham, diorang pun penat. Then my MOs macam pujuklah not to quit sebab sikit je lagi. Weh, memang aku rasa nak quit dah. Aku nak duduk rumah, tidur je. Taknak fikir pasal patient lol but somehow I able to finish it berkat doa semua orang

Now in anesth, bila I see bosses manage patient, start dah rasa macam tak competence, start dah rasa takut. Entah, sebab it's something new. Takut sangat.Then since aku jenis macam susah sikit nak adapt cecepat, so takut sangat semua annoyed dengan aku. Yelah dah 6th poster kan, takkan takut takut. Tak macam MO pun. Kenapa sixth poster tak macam sixth poster. Kenapa? Mesti ada tertanya tanya kan. Itulah, itulah masalah dia hahahaha

I need time, dan orang yang tak boleh bersabar dengan progress aku, memang akan benci aku. Memang akan susah nak faham aku. Dengan aku jenis tak pandai sangat nak cakap, nak utarakan opinion, semua jenis simpan, lagi susah nak communicate kan kan kan. I know boss, sorry sangat. Tapi i will improve myself. I will try my best to communicate normally. I need time T---T

Korang, doakan aku jadi satu makhluk Allah yang berguna. Doakan aku kuat nak habiskan posting aku. Doakan aku jumpa posting yang aku nak. Doakan ye.

Aku ingat lagi masa nak masuk ho dulu, aku ada tulis something kat blog aku pasal if aku nak quit. Semoga semua urusan dipermudah. Amin

Okai gais, goodbye for now. Unknown mana pun baca benda ni, please doakan sayeeeee

Bye.