extra time.

 Assalamualaikum

Impressive! I'm writing this at this hour hahahahahaha

So, it's almost 4 months for me. I will end my anaesth posting soon but I wish I don't need to end this as fast as this because I just want to stay in that department and learn more, preparing myself to be a safe mo T-T 

When I said this, I really mean it. I am not ready. I want to learn as much as I can but I don't know what will happened if I passed? I mean like, where I am going next? I feel so sad just by thinking about it. It's not that I don't want to have tanggungjawab, no! Even as a houseman pun, I ada tanggungjawab! It's just me with my low self esteem thing ugh.

But I know myself best, but no one really could see and understand it. I feel so frustrated! I know I sounds weird, but hey, maybe by listening to me, you will realize that I have points *sobs* Yeah maybe others be like "sampai bila bila pun kena belajar!' and "cuba confident sikit". Things like that, it won't change me pun when you said that. I came to this point, developed some small confident, able to say what I feel eventhough macam whispering, it's already a good thing! Because I am not like that.

I learnt a lot through these postings but I need extra time compare to others. I just need people to understand this. But no one really understand this. No one. Like literally you guys think I am playing ke? I am serious.

I really need some time. I know myself. So well.

I hate the fact that no one could see it. And at least understand it. It might sounds stupid to you, but I am the one who feel it.

I am slow, I know. But I want to grow more. Just give me time.

Please.

Han