August dump

 Hi everyone, an nyeong.

Hows everyone doing? Must be good la kan. If not good, it’s okay. Life has up and down.

Lately, I am quite busy, I mean too busy since I changed ward. And since housemen also not that much, I have to carry out MO work, some Sp work and of course housemen’s works. Wah too tired that I feel like I am gonna collapsed soon. I did btw.

I’ve been having on and off headache. Very pain one. Doesnt know how to describe but I can say, rasa macam nak meletup. Idk how to explain in properly but even with panadol pun tak jalan, at the end require painkiller kuat sikit. Pun still not working on me. At the end, buat scan bagai pun normal, then have to admit, for lumbar puncture as eye side also cannot be sure about my funduscopy finding, wether ada ke tidak papilloedema. LP normal, pressure okay, nothing much but i am still having this headache. I cannot tahan one if surrounding too loud. Yes my physician treat as migraine but how long is this migraine idk la. 

Well, maybe because i am too stressed too. Changing ward, new people i need to work with and another one is because I need to work more than before as I need to carry out HO work also despite having a lot of MO works. Very stressful, feel like my neck and shoulder muscle stiff you know. Then headache. Need to postpone all my oncalls. Then cry like crazy because of the pain and because I feel guilty also for people to cover me. Yeah i am this type of person i am sorry 

You know being far from family and sick and you already used to it hahaha everyone will feel kesian for you but damn, you went through all these since 18 man, now 30 lol. No one care about me  pun I am fine. I am very used to it. So awkward when someone really care. Hahahaha

I think, I should start request to transfer back, or resign. I don’t think I can work in this field. It is tiring. I like clinical but now no more. I think i am not suitable for clinical. Hahahaha, even whaatever field as long as doctor, I am not suitable lol.

Hmm lately I am quite stress. I think i need more rest but it is very difficult to get some rest. Idk. I am tired of this life lol. Reason i am still here is because some people are being nice to me. Hmm but i am leaving somehow for sure. Okay enough lah ye rant.

Recently I’ve just completed a drama title my liberation note. I guess most of you guys familiar with this drama as this drama really has its own impact, lol especially when talking about mr gu and mijeong. I wish people will be more understanding towards introvert people. Or maybe to someone who is not that open. Like me for example. Sometimes people finds me boring, it’s because you haven’t enter my life. You need to be good to be able to enter into my life because I don’t let anyone in just like that hahahaha. Even to be my friend also need time. I am that reserved type. My liberation notes made me realize “ahh someone is also like me. I am not alone” lol. And mr gu character, is so mature. I like how he comfort mijeong everytime mijeong told him something. I just need to find someone like that. Who will understand my silence, and just listen to me whenever he need. And i, once i really like that person, i will be like mijeong, love and care that one person, and only that person. but all these feeling things need times to develop, especially for people like us.

Other than mijeong and mr gu, i actually admired chang hee. Because he is almost like me. Second child. We always do what necessary, work and do things that please people, but we are actually empty. We don’t really know what we want, we keep follow the  flow. But i am happy finally chang hee found what he wants. Me too, will find it one day. Amin!

Ahhhh, i should sleep by now. My headache be like on and off. Oh yeah, after this no more Dr A. I really like her. She is my colleague but she is actually soon to be onco-lo-gist. She came to my department because she needs to do attachment. For some reasons, I really like her. She is really kind and nice eventho sometimes will bising a bit if something not okay, but i really like her. Wish her all the best for exam. So sad. I cried few days , and will continuously cry till I can accept it. Yeah i know i am weird. This is why it is difficult for me to let people in. She is the second female colleague that I really like “worked with”, and now she left. Sad.

Goobye for now.

Han